’15 Soundtrack: March

'15 Soundtrack: March

Watercolor painting by Me. Inspired by Moonrise Kingdom.

I had a “When? Where?” attitude in March. It was an active month of “funtivities,” dinners, Paley Fest, shows, chill movie nights, and even a brief trip home. If someone was down to meet up, so was I. While February was just as busy, last month was more chaotic and stressful. March was all about reuniting with people, enjoying their company, and personally getting back in touch with my creative side by painting more and working on the relaunch of my brand Hours Lost. Any lingering bad juju was minimal, FINALLY.

This ’15 Soundtrack is a mix of songs I was obsessed with in March. Many of the tracks represent how I was feeling throughout the month.  Yes, even Carly Rae Jepsen’s “I Really Like You” made the cut. I can’t deny how catchy it is! You can listen to and follow the playlist on Spotify. Enjoy and share with your pals!

TRACKLISTING

“King Kunta” – Kendrick Lamar
“Fairly Local” – twenty one pilots
“Water Fountain” – tUnE-yArDs
“I Feel Everything” – Waters
“Heartbeat” – Satellite Stories
“Haus” – Oberhofer
“Stable” – Kid Cadaver
“Fred Astaire” – San Cisco
“Avalanche” – Walk The Moon
“I Really Like You” – Carly Rae Jepsen
“Everything Is Embarrassing” – Sky Ferreira
“Undo” – The 1975
“I Wanna Be Yours” – Arctic Monkeys
“Elastic Heart” – Sia
“Worship” – Years & Years

What are you listening to?

I’m A Victim Of My Own Mind

mind

I’m an over-thinker. I over analyze people’s words and actions. I get lost in my own thoughts trying to formulate the “perfect” thing to say. Tricks on me. I’m lucky if my brain allows me to form any kind of proper sentence to express the cycle of thoughts in my mind.

It makes me anxious. Sometimes shy. And then I victimize myself with criticism that’s not always constructive. I shake my head. Most of my nights in bed, when I stay up too late rather than sleep, consist of thinking…thinking…thinking…thinking, and feeling everything. All of the bad and all of the good. I’m a positive person, but with a melancholic flair and hint of Atelophobia (fear of not being good enough).

The photo above has a portion of a quote by James Dean. It says, “Live as if you’ll die today.” This is a theme that threads together many of my blog posts because personally I’m in the process of being more honest, speaking my mind, opening more doors, creating new opportunities, etc. I value sayings such as “seize the moment,” or like Nicole in the movie Boyhood said, “the moment seizes us.”

A lesson I’ve learned from my most recent late night thinking is that in order for me to live more freely and happily, I must loosen my grip on the idea that I’ll be able to manipulate things that are out of my control. Life doesn’t work that way. Yes, having a plan A, B and C may always be in my nature, but I’m going to practice the act of going with the flow. A few exciting experiences are taking off in my life right now and I want to enjoy them as much as I can. Trying to clean up before the party even starts is no way to live life.

Here x There 08: I’ll Be There

i'll be there

Maybe you have a ton of friends. Maybe you have one. Forget about the quantity of friends you have. Nobody cares about the number of people you’re connected with on Facebook. Start caring about the quality of people you allow into your life. As humans, a strong connection with others supports us. We rely on it.  I’ve pledged to throw out the trash and distance myself from toxic people. If I can count on you, you can count on me.

I met my best friend in the 5th grade, and although we are different in many ways and rarely see each other because of distance (ugh), she’s always been my main pal. My sister from another mister. I can count on her to be one phone call away, each one ending with “I love you.” I can go a week without communicating with her and still know she has my back, and vice versa.

When I moved to Los Angeles almost five years ago, I had anxiety about my ability to make new friends. Fortunately, I’ve met a lot of rad people. Like come on. When someone is willing to drive you to the airport in commute traffic, you know that friendship is real. Some people I know complain about those who live in this city, calling all of them fake, self-involved, etc, but I tell them they aren’t looking in the right places. I’ve found MY people here. They’re the ultimate homies who continue to amaze me with their compassion, loyalty, and complete willingness to go on adventures with me. And I’ve made it my goal to add to this list of incredible people. New friends: come one, come all!

So, hey friends and friends of the Here x There contributors,  whether we see you on the reg or only interact over social media with emoji hearts, thanks for being our pals. Check out the playlist we put together for you.

TRACKLISTING

01. “I Think U Are Great” – Yellow Ostrich
02. “My Best Friend” – Weezer
03. “American Girls and French Kisses” – Beach Slang
04. “Grenade Jumper” – Fall Out Boy
05. “Everything Is Shit Except My Friendship With You” – Ball Park Music
06. “Make Real Friends” – brightener
07. “Keep On Keeping On” – Colony House
08. “Light It Up” – Eliza and the Bear
09. “Sometimes” – Raphael Saadiq
10. “VCR” – The xx
11. “I Will Be There” – Odessa
12. “Ben” – Michael Jackson
13. “Yellow” – Coldplay
14. “Even The Darkness Has Arms” – The Barr Brothers
15. “With A Little Help From My Friends” – Joe Cocker

Listen here

Contributors AlexBeccaNatalieRamonShabnam and Me

About Here x There

’15 Soundtrack: February

years and years

From Album Cover of Years & Years EP

February was hectic. I blamed Mercury in retrograde for most of the letdowns, the breakdowns, and the exhaustion, until it ended and the chaos continued through the second half of the month. February wasn’t completely tainted by bad juju though. I also had a lot of great moments. I worked the GRAMMY Awards, enjoyed Valentine’s Day with a gal pal, celebrated birthdays, reunited with friends, made new friends, and took on challenges that taught me a lot and rewarded me in the end.

This month’s ’15 Soundtrack doesn’t necessarily represent the kind of month I had, but it does include songs that helped salvage my sanity. Listen on Spotify, enjoy and share.

 TRACKLISTING

 “Gold” – Imagine Dragons
“Take Shelter” – Years & Years
“Smile” – Mikky Ekko
“Headphones” – Mounties
“The Tune of Letting Go” – Satellite Stories
“The Bug” – Bear Hands
“Sidekick” – Walk The Moon
“Halo” – The Pass
“Hold On” – Yellow Ostrich
“All The Time” – Bahamas
“True Affection” – Father John Misty
“All I See” – Bondax
“Sleepless” –  Flume feat. Jezzabell Doran
“This Is What It Feels Like” – Banks
“Mango Tree” – Angus & Julia Stone
“la song – demo” – Lewis Watson
“Looking Too Closely” – Fink
“Ghost” – Yellow Ostrich
“Nitesky” – Robot Koch feat. John LaMonica

What have you been listening to?

R U Mine?

don't be a coward

Modern dating is a lot like walking through a maze with a blindfold over your eyes. You’re given no direction, there are a lot of questions and you’re constantly strategizing. Through observation and experience, I’m becoming more familiar with the complexities of relationships and it still baffles me how unnecessarily complicated they can be. We’re conditioned to be (or try to be) blasé about it all. It’s a juggling act of acting cool and casual, yet interested and attached. Exhausting. I’m not programmed to be so nonchalant.

I was going to divulge a few details about my most recent tango with modern dating, but after typing and deleting words for a while, I decided it was best to be less of an open book. Long story short, it was a casual situation. One that was too hot and cold for me to handle, and it lacked a mutual understanding. I’m basically being ignored now and trying not to be too bummed about it. Nothing is enjoyable when bitter, so I’ll keep on keeping on. No point in dwelling on someone who isn’t dwelling on me.

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day tomorrow, I put together a playlist. It’s a mix as emotionally confusing as relationships.

Here x There 07: Open Road

herexthere 07

 

“Look at the photo above. Look at the long stretch of road with no end in sight. Look at the photo and decide how it makes you feel,” I wrote to the Here x There contributors.

I decided I wanted this month’s topic to be based on a visual I took in January. None of the contributors experienced this particular ride with me, so I challenged them to imagine they were there and asked what they would be listening to. Below are the sounds they linked to their sight.

TRACKLISTING

01. “New Theory” – Washed Out
02. “The Suburbs” – Mr Little Jeans
03. “Scars” – James Bay
04. “Is There Somewhere” – Halsey
05. “Coattails” – Broods
06. “Never Try” – PUP
07. “Get Lost” – Beach Slang
08. “Berlin” – RY X
09. “It’s Okay” – Land Of Talk
10. “Wild Country”- Wake Owl
11. “Above the Clouds of Pompeii” – Bear’s Den
12. “Holocene” – Bon Iver

Listen here

Contributors
AlexBeccaNatalieRamon, Shabnam and Me


About Here x There

Drowning

drowning

Suggested reading music: “Drowning” by Banks

Sometimes I’m diving into the deep end and I’m drowning. Pulse quickens. Mind races. Body tenses. Mood tanks. Throughout the month, or occasionally within the same day, this drowning feeling comes in waves. Putting aside the water analogies, it’s basically a mix of uncertainty, sadness and anxiety.

I’m fairly hard on myself, depending on the situation. Always have been. But the true test is how a person comes out of a situation. I am always determined to learn from my experiences. What’s the point of bad experiences if we can’t find a silver lining? We could end up being depressives with no purpose in life but to merely exist in a stagnant state of being. When something knocks me down, you better believe I’ll find a way to come out on top.

Besides being affected by my own actions, I’m affected by those in, and even out, of my life. The people that become ghosts are the worst culprits. They’re the ones that drift away without any warning. Sometimes I get lucky, and they don’t really mean much to me. Sometimes the timing is at the cusp of me becoming attached to having them around. I overwhelm myself with “what ifs” and “whys.” Applies for any type of relationship.

The worst instance is when something is unresolved. That limbo stage makes me uneasy, no matter how “breezy” I try to act. It’s a whirlpool that I burden myself with.  I’m still learning how to let go of things that aren’t worth fussing over, and keeping my head above water is a daily goal. It’s a process.

Let It Consume You

letitconsumeyou

“If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all.”― Martin Luther King Jr.

I still have a dream. Multiple dreams actually. And they take time to discover, understand and achieve. Patience, hard work and hope is key.

(my top in the photo is from Stheart)

’15 Soundtrack: January

January 2014 Playlist

Photo from Summer Heart’s “About A Feeling” album cover

When I fall in love with a new song or revisit an old favorite, I find myself gravitating toward it every day. It’s the first song I play in the morning, the one I keep going back to when answering emails, or the lullaby I hear when getting ready for bed. So I might start a “soundtrack series.” Think of me as an indie flick and the series is my soundtrack.

I’d like to point out one band from this month’s ’15 Soundtrack. I met the guys of Family Hahas at an acoustic night my pal hosted (hey Shab!!). Then another friend (yo Rudy!) brought the band and their new EP to my attention. Honestly, I had already heard it and was a fan of their work. So shout out to those guys. I hope to catch a show of theirs one day. The band’s track “Happy Accident” is listed in my playlist.

Enjoy.

What’s in your soundtrack? Let’s chat in the comments.  

Vulnerability: A Necessary Challenge

This post has been sitting in my drafts since spring. Sharing today. 

I’m vulnerable when my back is turned. Hell, I’m vulnerable staring someone straight in the eyes. Being vulnerable is scary, but it’s necessary and doesn’t have to mean I’m weak. Sometimes it encourages me to be brave.

Vulnerability uncloaks the possibility of being wounded, both physically and emotionally. Who enjoys that sense of uneasiness? Not me. Despite the uncomfortable chance of being hurt and disappointed, being vulnerable can actually strengthen my belief in hope, trust, love and opportunity. It allows me to be honest.

Without accepting my own vulnerability, I wouldn’t be able to share stories, interview for a job, go to shows alone, or take chances with people. I wouldn’t make mistakes. I wouldn’t discover my likes and dislikes. I wouldn’t reach my potential.

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” – e.e. cummings